Diary 2 Update on whats going on

Hi there well things could be a lot better first off wish close friends and that start using my ladies name Jessica but they still use my other name. I have been sick since Christmas eve and not feeling any better much these days. I went to dcotors on Friday and I am alright moslty but now have a medical test to do that will be on this coming Friday I had to book for an appoitment to do that. Friday is going to be fun not really sucks but I am used to all the tests. I finally told my doctor about me and stuff about being a lady and trans and stuff and I ask about things it didn't really go well. Also an update for the trans awanress event was going well and the main helper backed out so looks like I am going to drop it. Also work and things not so great either giong  on. I did got some nice done on the weekend was I wrote a song that came up with title a few days before I wrote it and went great turned out a sweet one I might share it up here another time. I been trying to figure out things and stuff so haven't really had time to put up more of my poems and songs hopefully again soon. I guess write now sahre my person diarys now. I also finally was strong enough to take people out of my life affecting me and make me down and everything. Finally stand fully up for myself. I don't really care if you like me or not just hope understand more from a trans perspective through my poetry and life diarys. Also back working on my choir stuff this week and already. I am a director and conductor of a choir working on its going to be great and everything. I do finally might have good news of it almost have our practice space so can't wait to start working with my singers and everything.
I like to share last thing because of things going on in my life and everythig I started smoking again I quit and haven't smoked for about few years about 3 or so maybe but back little bit just beacuse of things going on only thing I cope. I only do one a day and a bit none and between days just once in a while.
Also last thing before finish like to share that I am not started counselling right now until I am ready I felt like it was peer pressure.

My 1 Diary Post

Hi there going through so much right now dealing with work and my side project that I am working. The most thing is dealing with myself being out as a trans person and figuring out things. I am truly inside my male identity body. The holidays where lonely and sad being alone also on Christmas eve getting sick and still this day not being the same since back to was sort of before battling my health things I live with. The fun thing I am working right now and what I love to do is being a choir director and conductor still working on finding the right practice rehearsal for the choir. I had and up and down weeekend as well. I hanged out with someone like me a trans person we hanged out and talked for a long time. Now I am more confuesed about myself and a lot more thinking and figure out things out. On Sunday morning I went to a pub and I used to be a regular there  but what happend to me there I will not go back at all. No one served me at my table at all no service. I am happy looks like my dreams having a transawanress event might come true that will start a good discussion. I been working on it so long myself and glad finally people wanting to help out so half a comitee now and hopefully by summer or so will have the event. I will keep you informed what is going on with it and the rest of my crazy life.
Jessica

Raped

• "Take everything you want from me"  taken from a song from Hole
• The Earth  is rapped all time the time for its resources like for wood, minerals any other material we need.
• We take from the Earth but don't put anything back or better mange the resources and the Earth better
• The other 2 things of being raped and I had both done to me
• The one is verbal abuse is still pretty bad
• Especially when people put you down all the time and degrade you  
• This is pretty sad that other people do that to someone
• All the time people die because of suicide for being verbal rapped its wrong
• I still get that a lot for who I am and what I do
• I'm a male that really should be fully a lady its hard being not truly for how I am
• The last one of being rapped is a very serious and really a bad thing someone could do that to you
• That is being physically and sexual assaulted that when you didn't want to they forced you hurt you to have there way with you
• I remembered going through that like yesterday when I was working with a lady as an prostitute
• One of our clients fucking me in front of her watching was fine but than I wanted it to stop and than went out of line
• The worse thing was that she kept him going on fucking and fucking me so long when I didn't want too
• It took me a very long to get over that and still hard for me to this day
• After that it felt like my soul died that day and never really get back to the same before that happened to me
• I did get over it with someone and now she is my partner in my life
• Thanks to her for everything and supports me