Personal Diary 6:

Things been really up and down with me and things lately. Me and my love been so close and always great with my other half right now she is back home with her family is far from here. I think of her everyday and her love and she always give me so much strength. I do share some wicked news well I finally did it that is I finally finished the first play that I wrote and now is to connect with theatre companies and that and I really hope to get it on stage. The play for me is the most important and big thing I ever wrote because so hard to write and I did turn out great. The play I wrote is dedicated to a few the most important is to my partner and soul mate it wasn't for her I wouldn't keep writing my poetry and the play and in life because of her. Me and my love had a great conversation before she left to back home and she said that this play will really do good. I really hope so its amazing to have someone support. Things been up and down with my jobs well things been slow for quiet a while with my one work and my other one I am filling in so getting some extra hours so that is good. I need all the hours I can get. I work as a church custodian and work in a where house as well. I hope things will be better again with my one work and get my full hours that I used to work back again. I am really hoping that something will come up because I really need a new and different of living right now its very draining on me and hard to be myself. That is why I haven't started my full transitioning to the real me and going through the process of being the real girl I am. I am glad I know myself if it wasn't my other half I wouldn't even know me and been more low self-esteem and not been happy and lived. I feel so happy that I met my soul mate and always remember everything we did and conversations and things together. I keep a lot of it private I don't mind sharing a little but our conversations and our life we are very private couple. The most amazing thing is having someone tell you that they really love you and care for you and understand you completely and supports your passions of your heart. I hope my passions will pay off.
 My goal with my writing is to share my full heart with others and understand what is like to be someone is born in a different gender and how I see the world. My hope and dream is too much those who read my work is the most important thing to me and enjoy it.
I still been battling my health and some issues come up with my health and body like these days sometimes and that being dizzy and other things. Last week was it I think was little scared there for a week or so because things where rough and I thought might have ended up in hospital again. I am glad that didn't put me that I had to go hospital. I been hospitals off and on in my life lots of times for different things.
The last main thing I like to share that I didn't go to my sweet and great cousin wedding I actually stayed around town and worked on the play that week and weekend. So I did miss seeing my relatives. That time I just wouldn't be good company and seeing them especially that I am fully different now my Aunt the mom of my cousin daughter got marred she wrote me and send me nice messages. I do miss all of them and miss being like my second home and love the far Northern Ontario and being around the mountains and that. The thing is now I am not sure about going visiting them and feel strange and I have no idea when I will see them or visit. If I could drive or that I would go easily and spend a week with them and the area where I love the most in my heart feel strange about them and me. The worst is my relationship with my parents and that. They are very suppressing and don't and wouldn't support or understand me at all. That weekend was a blessing but also I guess a curse because my dad said that it was like cutting myself off kind of with family and I haven't. I do talk with them and try to stay connected with cousins and that by email and facebook. So I didn't see family or have a vacation for me finally being a long and being myself for that time I got to be dressed every day of that and I need to be alone and to work on my writing. I did write the play and now its finally fully finished if it wasn't that weekend or week my goal wouldn't have happened to write a play over a whole weekend and I did. The play came out so great plus I never drank a whole bottle of red wine while writing the play.
Also me and my love really love wine but I never drink a bottle before by myself. One of my fave things ever that me and my love usually share a glass of wine and drink from the same glass. Plus I am only comfortable with her really my love and also I only let her touch me. The most meaningful is that we both love each other and say "I love you" and mean it also that she thinks I am a lady and I love so much when she calls me Jessica to me that is the happiest thing and when she holds my hand with someone you love its amazing experience I hold that in my memory all that even if we are not close together or see each other. Sorry this is long but I  needed to share a lot and I hope alright that I talk a bit of my relationship because that is my world.
I hope to get back to writing more poetry soon. It would be nice to have opinions  from people of what kind of things I should write about. I would love to hear what you think?
I hope to have more poetry posted up again and hopefully get the play on stage